Broken Heart

You broke my heart, every time we talk you chip away at it a bit more and now it lays in pieces. You broke it not because I loved you, some days I'm not even sure I like you but because you have no regard for me. You love to talk, talk about you, talk about your world, talk about what is going on and your feelings but you only show a passing interest in my life. How is this a friendship? Where is the give and take, the shared thoughts and emotions and trivial bits of our days? I am not your councilor I never signed up for that.
You broke my heart because you failed to think about my feelings before you spoke.
You broke my heart because you you decided to define our relationship with no regard for me.
You broke my heart because I really like you and I gave you pieces of me, pieces of my heart and soul but you are so unaware of the games you play and the destruction you leave behind.

But what  you don't know is my heart is resilient, I am resilient,  and I will heal an move on. I don't have to let you hurt me over and over. I can walk away with my head held high that I was a good friend that I gave you everything I had and I will do it again but next time it will be with someone who will see it as a precious gift, and they will share their gifts, and we will truly be friends.

My Baby Boy

My son is 23 today. Im still trying to figure this out. Now don't get me wrong, I am over the moon with love and pride, he is the biggest part of my heart! He has grown into an amazing young man but seriously when did he get to be 23?
I guess I blinked because just yesterday he was this cute little boy who loved to be carried around by me, went on so many adventures by my side and shared my love of life and nature.  Once he needed me!

 

 Now he is grown, has a life, a career and a beautiful young lady in his life. I know on some level he still needs me but as happens in life I have taken a backseat. I am not number one and its OK.  I gave him all the tools he needs to be a smart, thinking, questioning, amazing and self sufficient young man. I gave him his start and now its my time to sit back and watch as he takes those tools and creates a wonderful life of his own. It's actually pretty cool and even now when the going gets a little tough...he still calls mom.

Time is Skipping Along.

So the old cliche about time moving faster as you get older has more truth in it than I ever wanted to believe. It is already the middle of September, YIKES.

Now that YIKES does not mean I am upset, I have some great times planned with friends, I am past my major commitments so I can get to work on, glass, batik and pine needle baskets. I can gear up for the holiday season with a joyful abandon.  I am loving me and my life in new and major ways!!

For all our fear of time slipping away from us and death coming too fast, I find that when time is skipping along it usually means my life is full and busy and happy.
Our lives, like nature have seasons, I love that feeling.  I love knowing grand adventures, fun plans and great times will come quickly like the glorious growth in the spring and warm wonder of summer.   I love knowing that the bad/sad challenging times will exist and pass with a warm bittersweet beauty reminiscent of fall or the sharp cold edge of winter,. I love knowing no matter what happens in my future I will have amazing times to look back on. I will embrace every season and every experience. It will always be a life well lived and for that I am grateful.

While I am not nearly ready for my time to come, I do not fear death, it will be the next grand adventure. So time can continue to fly, hurry and skip, it's just a reminder of how great a life I have.

Loving Life

My life has been so wonderfully, incredibly, magically busy lately!!  I moved into and set up my new studio in Artful Dimensions Gallery I have been down there every second I can tweaking the set up and getting on the torch, it has been wonderful. Whenever I move a studio it can take time to get used to the new space, new chair, new lighting but I must say this transition has gone really well so far.

I have also been working on some batiks since I have been back, I made a sign for my studio door, now I just need to decide how to finish it. It is still a work in progress,  I am thinking of adding some 2mm crystals to the spiral flame and then frame it. 

I also worked on my first t shirt. I really liked how it came out I can't wait to try a few more. It's all a learning process but one I really enjoy!! My head is swimming with ideas for fall and Christmas!!

Lost and Found

Hmmmmm...September is almost here, I come back from being out of town and out of touch with my everyday life, only to realize August is almost over. I somehow feel lost...

Coming home from my bucket list dream adventure was more difficult than I thought it would be.  I was with people 24/7 for almost two weeks and I loved it. I really am a people person. I had some alone time and I enjoyed it but mostly my time was spent with some truly amazing creative people.

To come home to my sweet little house, all by myself  with only the kitty girls to talk to was surprisingly emotional.  I wasn't enjoying the sound of the quiet and the feeling of being so alone.

Then as the tears start to flow I get this amazing and loving message from my cousin David. His words came at just the right time, and lifted me up so much. Next I talk to my very best friend in the whole world, Lisa who always knows how to make my life seem right and good.
The next day a woman whom I met at our healthy living fair a few months ago came by to see if all was OK because I missed a meeting with her, she was genuinely worried about me.  After that an artist whom I like and have so much respect for posts this on my Facebook wall because it made her think of me.

Another new friend in my life is taking time out of his very, very busy work schedule to bring his truck and help me move into my studio and another friend texted because she is heading back home soon and wants to get together for dinner.

Suddenly I feel less alone. Without my saying a word  the universe, the heavens, the cosmic caretakers banded together to bring me what I needed to remind me that while I may sometimes feel very alone, I'm really not.  I am blessed with amazing friends and family who lift me up more than they know.  "In life, surround yourself with those who light your path" I am blessed with many who light my path and it is my hope that I can be a light on another persons journey!!

Beckie, who plans on bringing, joy and love, endless energy, curiosity and optimism to the party

Adjusting to Home

  WOW,  I am home. One the one hand I am so happy to see the girls and my house but on the other hand I am sad that my amazing Dream Adventure is over.
The whole experience at John C Campbell Folk School was, well, life changing.

   It wasn't only what I learned at the classes but there is an energy and spirit about the place that gets inside you and changes you. Maybe its 80 years of creative energy amassing in one beautiful place or maybe its the people and the whole supportive, non competitive environment. What ever it is/was I will never be the same, my outlook will never be the same, my creative energy will never be the same.

I also fell in love with Asheville, it has been more than 10 years since I have been and since then it has really evolved into an artistic, hippy, creative, boho haven.  I love the art on the streets, the street performers, the funky and eclectic clothing and craft stores, the amazing restaurants and the wildly individualistic people that live there!! HA HA I feel like I found my home and my people!! A huge change from the rather conservative Fredericksburg. I can understand why they call it the San Francisco of the east!

Cat Sculpture

I had never seen a Pubcycle before

Hanging around at Pack's Tavern

Coffee Bus

Dream Adventure, Day 11

Enjoying my last day in Asheville. We wandered the downtown, visited art galleries, had a wonderful visit with my friend and former employee Amanda Brown, found letterboxes, ate and ate and took pictures in the gardens of the 1889 White Gate Inn.  I have loved this break before going home but now I am ready to get home and work on batiks. All the photos I take I look at as possible batiks. Thanks to my friend Molly I am learning to change the photo's to outlines. I am truly a blessed, lucky, fortunate woman to have this amazing and fulfilling life!!!

The bungalow where we are staying

The gardens are beautiful

I love the ponds

Dream Adventure, Day 9

Well this is it, my last day here. To be able to immerse yourself in art, to devote most all thoughts and time to creating without the bother of having to care for yourself is a rare gift. For most of the week I had no worries of deadlines, my creative soul was caught up in a flow of energy, I let my imagination run wild, I tried techniques that were challenging, that pushed me out of my comfort zone.  I learned so much! Everyday they have Morningsong. Today my dulcimer instructor is preforming.

There is a sadness that my time here has ended but it will be fun to get home and continue learning the process of batik and practicing on my dulcimer.

Getting ready to play

In the mean time I am going to think about Asheville and the fun we will have there. I am even going to meet a friends who I have only known on Facebook

Dream Adventure, Day 8

Another beautiful morning in my very happy life. This weekend is so different from the non-stop creative fever of this past week, yet it is as wonderful and as challenging. I am excited to get up and practice my dulcimer before I go to class. I may be a bit thin on photos this weekend since it's very hard to play a dulcimer and take photo's at the same time!! I did mange a few of my class and my instructor.

My instructor Ann Lough

My sweet little dulcimer

Tonight I took a final walk around the campus to say good bye to this beautiful school. My time here has had a profound effect on my life and has changed me in ways that I never dreamed of.  I will never forget what I learned here and how my life, my art and my future will be heading in new and exciting directions.

The chickens came to say goodbye

I love the art the fills the garden and the walls
here at the school

After my walk I went over the Keith house to watch the Contra dancing, it looked like a lot of fun.

Time to turn in, I will have class in the morning and then we will leave. I am glad for our next adventure in Asheville it will take some of the sadness out of leaving here.

Dream Adventure, Day 7

It's time for a new class and a new adventure. For the most part I will have all new people to get to know as few students are staying for the weekend classes. Three fourths of Carolyns millenery class is staying for another millenery class over the weekend so there will be some familiar faces.

I must admit I am feeling a little homesick right now. I think after a week of immersing myself in  creativity and being surrounded by creative people this short bit of down time has my emotions bouncing around. I am missing the kitty girls, my friends, the gallery and my usual routine. Need to change this and quick!!

Ahhh my peace and joy is back!!!! Taking a walk and immersing myself in the beauty of this place put everything right in my world.

One of my final pieces

Our class

My "Diploma" 

Samples of our work at show and tell

After lunch and our final farewells Carolyn and I drove two miles to explore downtown the metropolis of Brasstown. We didn't buy anything but it was nice to look at some beautiful arts and crafts.

Downtown Brasstown

A very cool shop owned by a glass bead and jewelry artist who
teaches here at Campbell.

What an amazing evening I had, I found myself crying tears of joy again tonight, this has been such an amazing gift!! I am very very blessed!!

I love my dulcimer class. We didn't waste any time we started playing songs right away and later when I was practicing Carolyn recognized the songs I was playing. I think thats a pretty good thing. LOL 

I am looking forward to a full day of playing tomorrow, this weekend is really going to go fast. 

Dream adventure, Day 6

It's a beautiful misty morning here in the mountains, I look forward to taking a walk in the mist and exploring a different part of the campus. One of things that is very surprising is how many people have been here before. Very few of us are here for the first time. I have talked to people that have been here 4 or 5 times to a couple who have been coming here every year for the last 10 years. This serene and beautiful environment fosters a love of not only the school but of the people who attend and the classes they teach.
Today is the last full day of batik and I have two projects to finish. One will be a fairly easy one and the other a bit more challenging. If I can pull it off the more challenging one will be very cool.
My first stop this morning is the studio to check on a batik that has been on the porch soaking in black dye all night.

Laundry on the line

My hands are blue

The Mill House

My favorite gate

Trail to the Blacksmith shops and the Mill House.

So I ended up doing three projects, I so hate waiting for things to dry. LOL I may be working late tonight but it will all be good!! This has turned out to be more than I ever dreamed of, I know I have said it before but this has been a great experience and I have made some wonderful friends!!

This was the most complex and layer batik I made. It is my least
favorite process and yet has produced my two favorite batiks.

This is my absolute favorite batik and one of the ones I will have in the show and tell tomorrow morning. I will post the picture of my last three tomorrow after they have been boiled and dried.


I am a little sad that the class is ending, I will finish with batik in the morning and then start my dulcimer class in the evening. In between time we are going into the tiny town of Brasstown to check out their artisan shops. Time to head to bed I will be up early in the morning to start the boiling pots to help get the last of the batiks finished.